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Evange-hellicals Anonymous can help you

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Thank you for supporting our feature, Attack of the Evange-hellicals. As most of you know, the movie has been a great box-office success, resulting in strong demand for movie related products such as Evange-Smellicals Perfume and Evange-hekkicals Cereal. By far the most popular product has been the Kids’ Universalist Altar and Big Tent Set. Here

There have also been negative ramifications. A segment of the movie going population has become addicted to the movie, and others to the various Evange-hellicals products.

Therefore, we are happy to announce that Evange-hellicals Anonymous will be meeting in this theatre immediately after the following episodes. We also offer these four episodes to get your mind off your craving.

We’re not doing this as a public relations ploy, or because we are protecting our top grossing movie and related products. We’re doing this because we care.

 

Mini-Movie: Jenni Botswana and the Trance-o-matics

Jenni Botswana and Ezekiel sat right behind Manny Fredricksen, the Presidential appointee for Czar of the newly created Department of Equality. Fredricksen and his male partner, like many other politically powerful homosexuals, attended St. James Episco-contemplative Church. 

Jenni took out her notebook and began to write.

Reverend Linda Billings and her wife, the Reverend Jill Schwarzkopf Billings [1], stood on the podium, resplendent in their white, flowing robes and pink priest collars. Reverend Linda, a short, stout woman with a direct, friendly manner, said, “Welcome, all. Welcome to St. James, where love is all, the christ-spirit is all that is, and the christ-spirit is truly in all of us. Amen?”

“Amen!” answered the 5,000 members of the congregation.

Jenni knew they were correct about one thing–through their anti-biblical meditation, that christ-spirit was in them, all right. They’d given themselves over to this demonic deception, and had gathered others to it in turn. This included many homeless people enticed into entering St. James during the last few months.

Jenni was grieved to see that Gregory Gooberooni [2], the homeless alcoholic she had rescued from these trance-religionists, was back with them. He had not simply returned, but was now clothed in one of the pink and white robes of the acolytes.*

Jenni sighed. Ezekiel’s eyes were closed. The skinny Ethiopian had been praying ever since they’d entered the vast, gloomy sanctuary.

Notes:

1. Why Linda Billings hates Jenni BotswanaREAD

2. Jenni and Gooberooni the wino: READ

3. (PREVIOUS TO WHAT YOU JUST READ): Jenni and Ezekiel outside the meditation chamber: READ

*Dictionary definition of “Acolyte”:  http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/acolyte

 

Tagged: blockbusters, evangelicals, fiction, jenni botswana, labyrinth, movie characters, movies, twelve step groups

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